mon erreur

“Things are as they are. Looking out into it the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” --- Alan Watts

I don't think I could sum up how I feel at the moment any better.

Expansion through reflection.


You've come a long ways baby.

Stretch.

Fizzzzzzz and crack goes my beer. Ah the warmth of sun around me and the cool shade of the porch I sit on. A full days work and a much deserved beer. Nothing better than a bottle toast to the feelings of accomplishment. I worked this morning planting blueberry bushes and pine trees at another farm across the river. I have been working over there about two days a week for about 10-12 hours a week and best part yet is I am getting payed. Nothing better my friends nothing better. I work the mornings over there and then back in time to the Waipara Gardens abode for a bit of lunch and on to an afternoon of wwoofing. Aint a bad gig I tell you what. I am not making a million dollars but a little income goes a long ways these days.

As for the days I speak of I am referring to Spring and the days that are flying by. Each week adds upon another and I really don't know where this is all going to end up. Might just have to apply for a visa extension soon. Next week our first Wwoofers of the season arrive. Two French Girls for two weeks. Should make a nice addition around here. The only strange part for me is this understanding that is creeping in. I have been in NZ long enough that a new group of travelers, visitors, sightseers, wwoofers, and more are about to arrive. The people all over the world that make up the 1.2 million visitors to NZ annually will be arriving soon. As for my understanding of it all.... Don't really care... Feel like I can slip through the cracks of hustle and bustle and mind my own business. I can disappear knowing what I do now. The allure of travel has become normal living. Overwhelmed by the ideas of grand sights and the path that lay ahead. For it isn't about impressing, nor is it about seeing it all. It is simply about impacting the soul through positive experience.

Onwards to this weekend and the week to follow. I am headed out for the first backpacking trip of the season next weekend. An easy 35km to start things out right.

Onwards and Upwards the Mountains are calling.

Cheers!

Samtidige

It's a strange feeling, something I just don't know how to place. It comes it goes... it is inevitable. We meet, we greet, we say goodbye. We develop our bonds and share our dependencies. Our manners are introduced and our emotions concrete. They welcome, you thank, and then paralleled between. Transformed together, and continuing apart. This is all how it was meant to be and forever become. Targeted for a smile and embraced for response.

A chosen path, no destination ever foreseen.
The timid and nervous are shown, the determined... applauded.
A willing adventure with an uncontrollable result.
Predisposed to find the random, changing to associate the finding.
The quest is to unfold what is all around and harness what manifests within.

The waters may murk
The tides forever shift
Yet gravity pulls
As our will extrudes

We embrace
We reflect
We become
We relate

An unsettling desire.
Close up and powered.
A need to be... to be able... to be the capable... to become.

All to be seen
All to praise
All in for this
and this... is... for you

As you ever may become.

This is choice through admiration.

Heh-Hem

"You ought to get yourself a nice girl so she can do that."

The words of my neighbor and friend Jack this morning as he found me sewing a tear in my sweatshirt. A perfect morning to sit and bask in the morning sun. On Saturdays and Sundays I don't have to start work until about 10:00-11:00am so I made the most of an early morning today. I was up at seven and on the front by 8:30 to enjoy a quiet morning or sewing my tares and reading while the budding spring farm awoke around me.

The morning work consisted of herding sheep and cleaning the dags from their bottoms.
Dag - a clump of dung stuck to the wool of a sheep. After Dag patrolling I spent the day landscaping a new flowerbed area underneath one of the shelter belts on the farm. A full day of work and rewarding to say the least. But they days pile like the dung into dags.

And that was last Saturday. On to this Thursday and the days between.

Some will fall back soon, but this week down under we sprang ahead. And like some sort of crowning achievement setting the clock ahead an hour started the next day with a brilliant display of Spring enthusiasm. A warm filled morning eased into bright blue skies and a bright concluding sunset at 7:30 pm!

Along with this change of season and time came the change of pace. A new week along with another continual opportunity in life to start fresh. I guess something in the week shook off the last bit of lethargy of winter. And that was withing another week.

Regardless of the dates that at times seem necessary, the days move. And from here on out is a listing of events in the past two weeks. Heh-Hem...

Three new piggies, 4 days of sunshine followed by 3 days of clouds/off and on rain, and then an additional 12 and counting of sunshine filled days, the finishing of a book and the starting of a new, a few earth quakes here and there, started working a new job a few days a week and better part it pays, one sad farm dog with an infection in her foot (I don't think a toddler could pout as good as she does), arrival of the first courgette of the year!, an evening with a live performance of Cirque du Soleil Mother Africa, finished my 28th consecutive day of Yoga (30 and counting now), opening weekend of the Ron Mueck exhibit in Christchurch, much needed skype catch up with two dear friends in Philadelphia, started reading two National Geographics a week (go ahead try me on my topics), started running 10km a day and 5 days a week not to mention(actually at the point of the run being a highlight of my day.), excellent weekend spent with a friend from my travels, countless afternoons evenings days mornings and nights of laughter, scored an awesome find of a concretion from the beach (in the process of drilling it down to find the fossil it contains, partaked in herding 1000 sheep with dogs, had my hand at sheering, sorted and picked through wool, a crazy day with a friends car overheating, fresh venison, 50kgs of free asparagus, transplanted corn, potted out 400+ various plants to sell at the soon approaching farmers market, attacked three times by Magpies two of which are now dead, started re-landscaping the back yard of the house, was put in charge of designing the veranda to be built out back (any input or ideas would help), 7 new baby chicks only to loose two now making 5, started trying my hand at woodwork, bought my 6th tooth brush of my travels, Officially have a great looking Welly Tan, Spring is in, never been so happy, remembered I came to New Zealand to smile and I am doing just that.

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy
Beg, borrow or steal
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say
All that you eat
Everyone you meet
All that you slight
Everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
There is no dark side of the moon really.
Matter of fact it's all dark.

Pink Floyd
Eclipse

Another Friday has passed and with it another Saturday arrives. Last Saturday evening was spent in the Waipara Memorial Hall watching the stage performance of "The Best Little Whore House in Texas". I am still smiling form the experience. Back home such a performance would be skipped over or possibly noted with slim attendance, however in the boondoos of New Zealand the show was Sold Out form Opening night of Tuesday to the Performance Wrap on Saturday with two shows on Friday and Saturday included. The attire was New Zealand Nice. Wellys left at the door, hair combed, Button up finest flannel, and dusted off sport coat. As we took our seats William asked me what I thought of the Waipara "talent"? The best dressed hens of Waipara ranging form 45 and up. I still couldn't help but smile at the collection of mismatching chairs and bleachers filled with honest folks out to enjoy themselves on a Saturday Night Out. The play one the other hand was a hoot and a holler. Singing, dancing, Cussing like you wouldn't believe, and a scene filled with nudity. I laughed and cheered along side life long Kiwi farmers in a ritual of community theater and NZ decadence. The night concluded with a walk home under a bright encore performance of the Milky Way far above. I went to bed that night with a smile, a smile I still find here with me 6 days later and one more Saturday to pass.

The week was a busy one. The weather shifted like the tides but underneath it the promising signs of Spring growth are shining through. Bud burst is now giving way to emerging foliage. Daffodils are blooming fully and Tulips are soon to arrive. Spring has sprung.

I take the dogs down to the river for about four hours of Rabbit hunting each day. Some days we are spoiled with multiple rabbits others I wonder why we even started digging in the first place. But every day we head off I am reminded why I enjoy doing it. I have never had a dog of my own and this seems to be the closest I have ever got. About 15 minutes after I finish lunch I am greeted by one of them, some times both, with longing eyes and often a big sigh as if to be releasing the final bits of their patience. All it takes is me putting on my regular brown long sleeve shirt and with that the tails wag without control from tail tip to ears and the yips and yelps start. Once we get down to the river I just forget everything. I love watching those two run around sniffing out every scent they can find, barking at and to one another, as I watch and patiently await for when they bark to me that they have found a Rabbit. I walk and think, and more times than not I don't. I just take in the river bed I have come to know. I breath and observe. A part of this has become some what of a sanctuary for me. Sometimes I see it that I am out being active so I wont have time for thinking about home and for feeling lonely. Yet to think of that I realize I hardly do any more. I guess what I like the most about my afternoons with the dogs is the time I have on my own in the fashion I choose. I remember a conversation and resolution I came to with a friend before I left for NZ. I discussed with her how I felt with some circumstances in my life I was pushed to grow up faster than other kids and that I look forward to going to New Zealand, for when I got there I could just... Play. And that is how I see it along the river. I am playing. I dig in the dirt, I find all sorts of alive and dead critters, I get cut and dirty, often I get caught by rain clouds I didn't see coming. I wish I could have a picture of what is a common sight that can be seen when I am down at that river bed. My head in a rabbit hole rump in the air and both dogs the same. At 24 I know I am still a kid at heart and thus I plan to be for another 24.

All you folks think you own my life
But you never made any sacrifice
Demons they are on my trail
I'm standing at the crossroads of the hell
I look to the left I look to the right
There're hands that grab me on every side

All you folks think I got my price
At which I'll sell all that is mine
You think money rules when all else fails
Go sell your soul and keep your shell
I'm trying to protect what I keep inside
All the reasons why I live my life

Some say the devil be a mystical thing
I say the devil he a walking man
He a fool he a liar conjurer and a thief
He try to tell you what you want
Try to tell you what you need

Standing at the point
The road it cross you down
What is at your back
Which way do you turn
Who will come to find you first
Your devils or your gods

All you folks think you run my life
Say I should be willing to comprimise
I say all you demons go back to hell
I'll save my soul save myself

Crossroads
Tracy Chapman

Life is in the breath.

Well I took the plunge into Yoga. I have completed my 5th day of practice and I can already tell I am Hooked. I had been wanted to start Yoga for years. And anyone who has spent a fare about of time around me can speak for the amount of stretching and relatively limber lounging positions I tend to place myself in. So far so great!

I can see this becoming my drug of choice. I now am looking to the people I know who are avid enthusiasts of Yoga with new eyes. They had all pushed me and suggested I give it a try. The way my body feels as of right now I am ashamed I waited so long.

I enjoy the philosophy behind Yoga. Yoga is concerned with the health and beauty of the body as a whole. Emphasis on unity. Over time the body becomes "disjointed". Meaning, the body, emotions, mind, and spirit all pull in separate directions. Each demanding the fulfillment of its own needs and desires. This causes stress and ware and prevents the individual of functioning as an "integrated whole". Thus the practice of "Yoga" to attain unity/balance in self-development. Yoga, a Sanskrit word meaning "union" or "joining together".

Bliss!

The other aspect of Yoga I am enjoying is the consciously aware state focused on breathing.

"Life is in the breath; therefore he who only half breaths, half lives."
- Yoga Proverb

I like this thought. The body can go weeks without food, days without sleep and water, yet only minutes without air. Our sustenance comes from our breath. Our focus and understanding of this life giving interaction is the simplest necessity.

Feeling good form my head to my feet. I am off to a play with Sarah and William. We are going to watch the stage performance of "The Best Little Whore House in Texas". I am rather excited to hear some Kiwi accents mimic Texas chatter. Also looking forward to the acting quality!

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This holy reality, this holy experience. Choosing to be here in...

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion.

Alive

This holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in...

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion...
Of what it means to be alive

Swirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this
chance to be alive and breathing
chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal.
all this pain is an illusion.

Parabola
Tool

Truest Grit

I am sitting with a full belly. I believe that is an understatement but I am unsure how to describe the fullness I feel. Made a great lasagna tonight, homemade pasta and all. I guess with the way I feel I ate a little too much. Being a Wednesday the movie choice for the evening is Western. Wednesday Westerns. Nothing better than a weekly routine involving the viewing a a classic Western once a week. Tonight's is a classic indeed, one of my favorites True Grit. I have seen this film at the least a half dozen times and I will try my best to stay awake for a seventh viewing however a full stomach makes one tired.

I got quite a delight this afternoon when I found a small little egg about in inch in height lying next to one of the wood piles. Based on the size it could have only belonged to our only teenage Hen at the farm. I couldn't help but laugh about the size as well where she laid it. Little thing must have been confused as to what in the hell was going on. Not much of an egg and certainly wouldn't make an omelet. In other chicken news. Today was the first day our five newest chicks were taken around the farm by their mother. After about a month and a half in the coop they are finally out and about. The group of em are rather rag-tag in appearance, Three black and two gold. By the looks of it too there is one rooster in the bunch. They are in the intermediate stage right before they loose their baby feathers and chirp around growing in the new feathers that will take them into their teenage years. Cute none the less.

Tomorrow starts with a morning of work and then down to Pegasus Bay Winery with my Host mother Sarah for a wine tasting and talk with the owners about employment for me. I have already lined up an interview in a few weeks for a serving position at their restaurant. But I am mostly interested in landing a spot as a prep-cook. I would like very little responsibility and interaction. Either way I'll take what I can get....

"Mr. Rat, I have a writ here says you're to stop eating Chin Lee's cornmeal forthwith. Now it's a rat writ, writ for a rat, and this is lawful service of the same. See, doesn't pay any attention to me." ---- Rooster Cogburn